In the winter of 2009, I had a minor midlife crisis. Overcome with anxiety, I spent a week wondering who I really was, what I really wanted to do with my life, and where I was in that journey.

What triggered my midlife crisis?

We’d moved for the second time in what would be an 8-move journey with my husband’s construction career. This time, we didn’t have the money to immediately set up internet services in our new home. Since I’d been blogging and running an Etsy shop for nearly a year, this lack of access to those sent me into a panic attack. Shortness of breath. Shaking. Irritable. The whole thing.

Shaken by the fact that I was having a panic attack, I immediately put myself into “figure it out” mode. What was causing it? Being a woman of deep faith in the Lord, I knew this midlife crisis wasn’t “normal.”

As I folded laundry one afternoon and cried (literally – ugly cried) out to God, I asked Him one question. “What do You want me to do for You?”

Here was my thought process:

I’ve been faithfully serving God for thirteen years. I’ve been serving my husband and working on our marriage for eleven years. I’ve been taking care of our children for that long, as well (I gained a stepson when we married.). And in the midst of it all, I’ve lost parts of myself. Parts I enjoyed. Dreams. Goals. Talents.

What did I do about it?

I told God I didn’t want to bury my talents or put them on a shelf in my home. I wanted to be that servant who took the talents her Master gave her and use them to gain more. More talents. Glory for Him. Donations for His kingdom on earth. Income for my family. I wanted to do something that was just for me at a personal level. Something that would bring me joy that wasn’t dependent upon the church, my husband, or my children. (I hope that makes sense.)

I wanted to commune with God on a personal, intimate level and use what He had given me to bring glory to Him.

Because when we have a testimony of His goodness to share with others, we glorify Him. And since He is the Creator, I wanted to create with Him.

This incident and a few others led me to looking deep within myself to discover who He created me to be and what He created me to do.

What was the answer?

His answer was “Write for Me.”

Which made perfect sense. As a youth, I always kept a journal, read avidly, and wrote a whole lot of what I called poetry. I loved writing papers, participating in yearbook committee, and sending letters to my friends and cousin. I had a few dreams of writing throughout my life:  writing for glossy magazines for teens (like Bop, Teen Beat, YM, or Seventeen), an article published in Focus on the Family’s magazine. A novel.

It is a talent He gave me before I was born. It was in my DNA from the start. I am called to be a writer. To write for Him. To encourage and inspire others with my words.

Are you in a midlife crisis?

Maybe you’re in a mid-life crisis right now. Maybe you aren’t sure who you are or what you should be doing with yourself or your life. Maybe you’ve leaned on others to determine your worth or what you should do. I’m here to tell you that you can figure it out. It just takes a little soul searching.

First, who are you spiritually?

You already know that I am a Christian by faith. My identity comes from knowing who I am in Christ. If you aren’t a Christian by faith, where do you stand in faith? Are you a different religion? Do you serve a different god? Who does that god say you are? Are you only serving yourself? Does that work for you? Or does it feel like your life is in a downward spiral? Would you consider a different faith?

Once you identify where you stand on a spiritual level (because that determines not only what your belief says about you, it also determines how you handle life situations, how you treat others, and your place in eternity), you can move on to looking at other aspects of your life and who you are in the midst of them.

Second, who are you in this season of life?

I am a wife, mother of four biological children (one is out of the home already, one passed away in January of 2021, one is about to graduate high school, and one has a couple of years left with us), stepmom of one (he’s been gone for years), and foster/adoptive mom of one (she’s graduated and moved out of our home). I have two dogs and one cat that I care for. I run kids around all day. I write. I teach writing at a conference each year. I craft. I run my household. I’m busy in this season of life.

The first thing I recognized when I was conversing with God is that these things do not define me. They are a part of who I am, but they are not me as a whole. As a whole, I am a Jesus Girl. My relationship with Him drives everything else in my life. Affects everything else in my life.

What is the center of your life right now? In this season of life?

Third, what is your character like?

Character and personality are two different things. Personality is a surface presentation of yourself. Are you introverted or extroverted? Are you always bubbly or does a shadow hang over you? Are you funny or the last one to get the joke? Character is the core of who you are. It’s your moral standards. It’s how you treat others. It’s things like trustworthiness, loyalty, honesty, a desire to love others as you love yourself. Or, it can be the opposite. You could be truly evil at your core. You get the picture.

Is there a character trait you have that you wish you didn’t? Is it affecting your life in negative ways? Sometimes we have to deal with those in order to become who we know we’re called to be. And that’s okay.

Fourth, what gifts and talents do you have?

What are you really good at? What comes naturally to you?

For me, it’s encouraging and inspiring others. It’s writing. It’s creating via crafts, art, and photography. I’m a very visual person. It’s how I learn. I’m good at seeing the best in other people. In recognizing truth about people. I love helping others so they can be the person and do the things they want to be and do.

These are gifts and talents. Knowing what you’re really good at will help you figure out what you should be doing with your life.

Finding Joy

These are just a few of the things I questioned and resolved in my search for who I am and what God wanted me to be doing with my life in order to live abundantly, enjoy myself, and best relate with others.

Because when we have these things figured out, life gets a little easier. And a lot more enjoyable. The stress decreases. Energy increases. Depression dissipates. Joy takes its place. And the midlife crisis comes to an end.

What’s one thing you discovered about yourself today? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below!